For this week’s journal entry, I explored a moment of ecstatic joy in my life. These moments are really hard to come by, especially now. It is so easy to get bogged down into the hardships of everything going on, but making my apple pie was something that was really nice to do on my own that gave me a lot of happiness during a stressful week.
I chose a collage because I felt it best exemplified my emotions. It didn’t quite feel like a tangible thing, and so I feel like a collage allowed me to account for my dangling thoughts and emotions. Even though I had been having a rough day, I loved my outfit that day- the bright colors and the fanciness of the dress for no occasion. I felt like I was performing joy for myself by dressing up and baking my grandma’s apple pie. I felt connected to my family, and it felt good to do something of my own volition.
I felt free in the sense that no one told me to make the pie, or told me what to wear, and I still did it because I felt like it. I had work to do, I could’ve napped, but instead I took to creation. I used what I had in my college kitchen to roll out my crust (a wine bottle), and crafted a really good comfort food. I felt proud of the result, and my audience was mainly myself, but also my roommates. Sharing a product of my labor gives me joy. I love when others enjoy my food. I got to make it in solitude, which I really appreciated, especially because moments alone right now are far and few between, but at the end of the day I still wanted appreciation and enjoyment with my friends.
I set my collage to “Treat People With Kindness” because that song makes me feel incredibly happy. It has so many voices, is so upbeat, and never fails to put a smile on my face. I focused on the pie, as it was the source of my joy, and my silly self timer picture is coming out of it because in that moment I was really feeling myself. I used bright, primary colors that ooze out of the pie with joy to try and replicate the feeling of bursting with emotion and shutting out a million anxious thoughts to just bake. The sparkly, curvy line meant to represent the twinkly feeling of contentment, and the glow of a nice moment.
To me, joy is erratic, and uncontrolled, and is guided by surprise, and I love my little collage and had so much fun making it.
My critical question to connect is: Are these moments of performance still guided by societal constructs? Does this give them any less meaning?