Asking New Questions

We become so caught up in ‘what not to do’ that we rarely ask ourselves ‘what is my sexuality for?


I have always been a people person. I enjoy getting to know others, especially those who are different from me. I crave intimate friendships. I find that loving people comes very easily. When I was in high school, I had amazing female friends, felt close to them, and found them to be beautiful. I hesitantly and fearfully allowed myself to ask the question, “Am I gay?” Because my female friendships were satisfying, I thought the answer must be “no”. Looking back, I can see that answer was heavily influenced by my Catholic identity and my lack of education about sexuality. Nonetheless, I held on to that answer for a decade. I found comfort in the fact that I was attracted to men, and did my best to rationalize my attraction to women. 

It was not until I was a Catholic campus minister, talking with college students about Christian sexual ethics, that I began to see the deficiency of the prevailing narratives about sexuality in the Church. We become so caught up in “what not to do” that we rarely ask ourselves “What is my sexuality for?” With this new question, I came to believe that sexuality should lead me to love others freely and fully. I grew to understand my identity as bi-sexual as part of who God made me and how God made me to love. Loving others is one of God’s greatest commandments. Who am I to neglect or deny the way God made me to love? If love is of God (1 Jn 4:7), who am I to say “no” to Love/God? Surely that would be the greater sin. Once I started asking the right questions, I recognized that embracing my sexuality was simply saying “yes” to Love.

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